“Art was my getaway,” MJ said, “like my own therapy. I could show people how I felt without having to say anything to them.” 

“One thing that I love about art,” she said, “is [that] not one person can look at the same thing and interpret it the same way. In a way, I felt free to get my feelings out in the world [through art] and not be condemned for them.”

MJ’s dorm, with its white brick walls, felt quieter and empty this summer now that fewer students were on campus. She walked around her room with her computer, showing me art that she had created recently. 

She held up a painting of an ocean fantasia - a jewel-toned sea of emerald and indigo; a mauve mountain; a blood-orange moon trapped in a net; an elfin mermaid on a small island in the middle, looking into the eyes of an immense dragon, who stood still in the waves, staring back. 

“My inspiration came from henna tattoos,” she said. “[The painting] is a representation of things that are easily missed or things that some people believe are there but others don't see. I feel like it can [also] be a representation of one person's reality versus another’s.” 

Studying and creating art has taught MJ that people have unique perspectives and may interpret things differently. She hasn’t always been able to see things from other people’s perspectives, but it’s something that she’s working on.

“I started thinking to myself, if someone can look at a painting and no two people see it the same way, how is that reflected in other situations?” she said.  “There's two sides to a situation, and I need to [learn] why this person reacted the way they did.”

She continued, “You [can] look back on [things] and [think], ‘Man, I shouldn't have done this or I shouldn't have said that.’ I want to be able to understand what the other person is seeing before [a] situation gets to a point where it shouldn't be.”

MJ is a full-time college student, majoring in fine arts. She is a self-taught artist and wants to learn everything. 

“The first time I ever took an art class was in high school,” she said, “and my teacher told me if you want to be a good artist, you have to know how to do a little bit of everything. I took that and flew with it. I know how to draw and paint, but I [also] want to know how to sculpt and act. I want to know how to use all mediums and enhance my artistry.”

MJ is enjoying her classes, but it’s been difficult to find community in college. She’s met some great people, but MJ feels like people often come and go over the semesters and that she can’t relate to many students her age. 

“I didn't have the parental support and structure that a lot of other kids my age have,” MJ said. “Sometimes it frustrates me because I'm beyond my years of maturity and that's why I can't relate. It has to do with me not ever having a childhood.”

“When I think of my childhood,” MJ said, “I think of a black hole. It's not something that I can look into. It's not something I can see. I don't remember being read a bedtime story. I don't remember having my boo-boos kissed whenever I got hurt. I never had any of that. I never had anyone I could turn to when I needed them. So in a way I felt like I had to be my own parent. I didn't get to have that childhood because I was so busy being a mother to myself.”

MJ is still balancing a lot of responsibilities. She’s taking a full course load each semester, is involved in a program for former foster youth, and works part-time. And her classmates often seek her out for advice on their projects.

“I'll have people come up to me and ask me a lot of questions,” MJ says. “[They’ll] ask, ‘Hey, can you help me with this assignment? or hey, do you know where this is? or hey, can you help me do this?’”

“I feel like I'm going to be laying in my coffin, and I'm going to have a grandchild come up to me and be like, ‘Hey, do you have any lotion?’ And he just sees me reach in my pocket and give him a bottle and return to my pose,” MJ joked.

She feels like she’s always going to be helping people. 

MJ wishes that she had someone who could give her advice and help her navigate different situations - a mentor. But MJ feels like she has to be her own mentor, writing pros and cons lists to herself to work through difficult decisions. 

MJ would especially appreciate a mentor who is also a former foster youth. 

“I think it would help if we actually had connections,” MJ said. “When you get out of care, [there are phone] numbers and people that you can contact. But since I've been out of the system, if I do have support, it's very limited. You're left on your own wondering what to do next. It's a lot harder to figure some things out.”

She continued, “I feel like it would be good [to have a mentor who is a foster care alum] because a lot of times foster kids think that nobody else knows what it's like to go through the system, and they feel alone. For foster kids in general, [having a mentor] is a big step for them. It's a huge milestone to be able to come to somebody when they need something considering growing up and being in the system, [where you are told what you need].”

MJ would have welcomed a mentor’s advice on how to navigate a recent work scenario. At her most recent part-time job, MJ felt that she wasn’t trained properly, wasn’t seen as an individual, and then was micromanaged to the point where her work environment felt negative. Eventually, MJ was fired from the part-time position. 

“It got to the point where my boss would literally stand over my shoulder to make sure I was doing things right,” she said. “And I felt so excluded. I didn't feel like I belonged. It was just not the job for me. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't a good situation.”

Nonetheless, MJ still learned a lot from that experience. She learned what she didn’t want in a workplace. She doesn’t want to constantly worry about what she says, or lose sleep over what happened that day, or feel like she’s in fight-or-flight mode while she’s working. 

MJ also wishes that her boss had better understood or even known about her experience as a former foster youth. 

“A lot of times bosses don't understand why I have certain mannerisms and behaviors,” she said. “If they do something that triggers me,  I'll suddenly have a mood change. They don't understand that. To them, it's just me giving attitude. I feel like it's a huge misunderstanding that not a lot of people are aware of.”

MJ continued, “[A] trigger could be anything from a certain phrase, a tone of voice, somebody yelling at you, a loud noise [like a] door slam or glass breaking on the floor. It could be a number of things. It just depends on that individual and what they went through.”

“If [bosses knew] this person lived in foster care, they [would] understand that [they] need to have more patience, and a bit more understanding into why we act the way we do sometimes,” MJ said. “I think a lot of times situations get blown out of proportion that shouldn't be. I feel like having that little background knowledge could make a difference.”

“There's not a lot of knowledge about being in foster care,” she said, “and a lot of people's opinions can get skewed really easily. At the end of the day, I'm not my circumstance. I can't go back and change whatever happened. I can only move forward, and hope for the best.”

So where does MJ see herself in the future? 

“Sitting on the balcony,” MJ said, “on the second story of my home that I own. I would love to own my own business in the future, an art business, of course. And hopefully be sitting on some pretty dough. That's my goal.”

And what advice would MJ give her younger self? MJ wrote - 

My sweet little girl, the world is going to do its best to dim your light. There will be times you wallow in darkness - scared, alone and afraid. No matter what, promise me you will always pick yourself back up and light your own path. You're different and you won't fit in, but that's okay because you're born to stand out. No matter what, keep shining and remember to love yourself. The world is yours to conquer.

Love,

 MJ, your older self

MJ’s art is filled with multitudes of color, meaning and beauty - just like MJ is herself. If we viewed people as spectacular works of art, maybe we could also learn to appreciate the uniqueness of each person and care to understand them better.