When she was a kid, Vanessa would spend hours in her case worker’s office - eating candy, asking questions and just taking everything in. 

“I like blue raspberry jolly ranchers, and one of the workers always had a candy dish on her desk,” Vanessa said. “I would go into her office, and I [would ask], ‘Why do you do this? Why do you do that?’ I probably learned [the] job when I was like eight, just because I would not leave them alone. And instead of fighting with me, they would let me sit there, and she would separate the blue [candies for me].” 

“I came in one day, and I was like, ‘Oh, all the blue ones are gone,’” Vanessa said. “And she opened her drawer, and she's like, ‘I save them all for you.’” 

These memories stuck with Vanessa. Inspired by the positive experiences she had with her case workers, Vanessa grew up and decided to be a social worker as well. 

“If I didn't have the structure and support from the good workers that I was blessed to have, I think I would've gone down a similar path as my parents,” Vanessa said. “Because of that, I wanted to come back and work for the department, and give a perspective that isn't often brought to the table.” 

“I worked in a unit [that] vetted prospective foster parents and finalized adoptions,” she said. “Given my history, I felt like that was one of the most important jobs because we were licensing people to take care of these kids.”

Vanessa’s experience in foster care gave her a unique perspective to empathize and advocate for the children in her care, but her trauma also made aspects of her job even more painful. 

“In the beginning, I had a really hard time setting boundaries,” Vanessa said. “There were times when I became very emotionally invested [in cases], and I was constantly thinking about it on and off the clock.” 

She continued, “It took me many years to learn emotional regulation and to not be triggered by having to respond to a domestic violence dispute. There were some things that I essentially did exposure therapy for. I shared a lot of it with my supervisors and they were very supportive. Finding boundaries and good ways of coping with things was very hard, but you have to remember that at the end of the day, you have responsibilities and life outside work, and you cannot let this consume you.”

Responding to calls like domestic violence disputes were especially hard for Vanessa because while she was in foster care, her mom was killed in a domestic dispute. This meant that she lost her mom and her dad on the same day because his parental rights were terminated. On a day of great loss, Vanessa also remembers who was there with her. Vanessa’s case worker, who was eight months pregnant at the time, came to Vanessa’s school to notify Vanessa and to be with her in person. 

“I just remember telling her, ‘You're eight months pregnant. Why are you here?’ Vanessa said. “She cared so much about me.”

Likewise, when Vanessa’s adoptive dad died on her twenty-third birthday, she remembers the caseworkers from her internship who showed up for her, alongside other members of her rural community.

“I lost my adopted dad when I was doing my practicum at the county office,” Vanessa said. “And they supported me through all that. They showed up to the funeral. When I approach the work that I do, I remind people that, your supports in your families aren't always blood. Just because you're not related by genetics doesn't mean that  you can't find support in other people and other things.”

Throughout her life, Vanessa received so much love and support from her case workers, therapists, and other members of the foster care community. 

When she started her first job as a social worker, she was shocked that the environment that she had seen as so happy and stable when she was a foster kid had just as many ups and downs as any other job.

“I was expecting what my workers showed me as a kid,” Vanessa said. “They were always happy. Things were always in order. They never had any issues. And so I was just shocked to learn that it's not all unicorns.”

“In any job, there's politics, bureaucracy, all that stuff,” she continued, “and I was shocked when I saw some of those things. I was also shocked that some of my colleagues were carrying the caseloads that they were and managing their life outside. I've realized that just like parents that abuse their kids, there are workers who get exhausted and fail to do things. There's too many vacancies and too high of caseloads. But there's a better way to hold people accountable. There's a need for training and for supervisor support. Within the [past few] years, there's been great change because of the advocacy [of] the workers.”

Other people also recognize Vanessa for her advocacy and the difference that it makes. 

“Someone said I'm a Barracuda for advocating because I just do not back down,” Vanessa laughed. “I'm not unprofessional, but I think that if we're going to make decisions for kids in foster care and [their] families, they need to be seen as more than case numbers. I had a lot of good workers, but I also recall moments where I was at the table, but not given a voice. And so I [try to] remind people of the foster kids’ side of things.” 

She continued, “I've met a lot of people [with] foster [care] experience that came back to work for the department. And I think a lot of our thoughts are the same; we want to be the change. We want to be that voice, so foster kids aren't left silent - without someone to advocate for them as well as the families. If we can work really hard at the front end of things, maybe we won't be separating so many families at the end.”

Vanessa currently works in a new unit for child protective services in her state that is focused on prevention. She contacts families who have been reported for neglect or abuse, and helps them obtain services to meet their needs.

“My heart is really big with prevention because I feel like if we had something like this growing up, maybe my parents would've had the support that they needed to work their treatment plans.” she said. 

Vanessa has big plans for her future. She wants to do everything - get her counseling license, become a social worker at a school, open her own counseling practice. 

Yet, no matter how much she achieves or how much she grows, Vanessa’s past experiences will still be with her.

“If you have a traumatic upbringing or you have generational cycles of repeat maltreatment, abuse, neglect, addiction, substance abuse, gangs, domestic violence, whatever it is, you don't know how to break [the cycle] because that's normal to you your whole life,” she said. “And people essentially intervened at many points in my life - from childhood to even adulthood - to remind me that I'm more than my trauma. I'm more than my sometimes bad coping skills. I'm more than the bad choices I make. I'm human.” 

She continued, “There were people that looked at me and said, ‘you can't give up.’ And it's because of those people, that I didn't give up, even after I endured so much trauma, grief and loss.” 

Vanessa hopes that more people will learn about issues in their communities and get involved. That they’ll become part of the village that she attributes to her own success. 

“The best way to really get involved is to get involved,” Vanessa said. “I think if we were to break down that stigma, maybe as a community, we can collaborate and be that village that it takes to help raise these children.” 

She continued, "I think it's [about] educating yourself in what your child welfare system does in your state. If you want to volunteer, donate stuff, whatever the case is - there's always ways to get involved. And, know that [who you] vote for sometimes puts these laws into place. There's a whole system. It's not just the social workers that cause issues. Learn about what your system does and how you can help make it better. “I think we implement real change when we learn about the different things that are important to us, and child welfare is important to me.”